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Ashleigh Ogilvie-Lee

Blog 14 - From a Villa in Grey Lynn - The Dating Game


One day, love will come in the form of somebody who wants to

give more than take, and you will know why love is rare.

My future son-in-law hunts ducks. I can rationalise this, as

humans have long eaten meat, but my heart feels sad for the

mate of the fallen duck. One moment, he is a contented duck

flapping beside his beloved, and the next, a forlorn duck

watching his mate being carried in the jaws of an exuberant

springer spaniel to someone disguised as a half-dead tree in a

marshy maimai; which brings me to my story.


I do not want to be a forlorn duck! I want my very own drake

upon whose breast I can rest my weary head. In pursuit of such

a fellow, I have gone on many dating sites and had many

bizarre, disturbing, and humiliating experiences, often on the

same date. The only good thing I can remember is an apple pie

made for me by a Dutchman, but he didn’t let his dog inside,

and even the lovelorn have standards.


My older sister, Dammie, who has the smug demeanour of a

duck with a devoted drake, tells me I must stop foolishly

chasing deadbeat men and make sure my grandchildren can

read. However, an aging woman with errant facial hairs waving

Red Riding Hood for beginners has little chance against the

wily dopamine-destroying computer game ,Minecraft. I know full

well the little darlings would gladly feed grandmama to the wily

wolf in exchange for just a few more moments in a virtual world

which rewards addiction, not hard work.


I wonder, am I addicted to love? I can tick most boxes on the

needs of life, and one can live without romantic love, which can

be a dangerous sport, as in the case, say, of Romeo and Juliet.

However, the eternal question that floats like a cloud in all

weathers is “what is life without love?” In my wintry moods, I go

on dating sites that promise that they too can fire Cupid’s

arrows. However, Cupid’s arrow shot such a plonker on my

most recent foray into computer-generated affection that I have

officially retired from the sport of dating.


I met Percy on a site called 60’s Dating, which matches you

with totally unsuitable people by asking probing questions such

as, are you an early or late riser, or do you believe in liberal

parenting?


It seems getting up early and a preference for liberal parenting

was enough for an arrow called Percy to come whizzing my

way.


Our virtual sniffing around each other went like this.

Ash: You are rather attractive.

Percy: So are you, mutual admiration society.

Ash: Well that’s a good start. Do you like cooking and food in

general?

Percy: I’m sitting with a stupid grin on my face, and people are

looking at me strangely. I love it. I do a great moussaka,

Caesar salad, Thai curry.

Ash: Oh gosh, I’m so pleased. My ex-husband only ate white

bread and cheddar cheese sandwiches. I love dogs and will get

one soon.

Percy: Ooh, what sort? I was going to get a labradoodle, Ash.


I’m not sure if it’s the love of dogs or food, but Percy falls in

love with me.

Percy: Would you be in my arms if you were here right now?


Ash: No, because I’m having a problem converting a PDF to

word.

Percy: I didn’t believe it would happen that I would ever feel this

way. I am always thinking of you. Smiling. Reaching for the

phone. Feeling silly and teenage... tell me to get a grip. No

don’t. I’m fine. I give myself to you. If you want.

Ash: Thank you for your poems, but my phone keeps pinging

with them, and I have to be up at 5.

Percy: I miss you.

Isn’t it marvellous to miss someone you’ve never met. I hope

you still love me.

Ash: Crikey! Do I?

Percy: If you do not love me, I shall not be loved. Samuel

Beckett.


I finally meet Percy in a small bar. It is far from a smoky Bogart-

type encounter. Before he has even ordered a drink, he tells

me he has a confession to make. I am worried he is going to

prostrate himself on the floor of my local where I am quite well

known. It transpires he is not Bogartian at all but Prince

Andrewian with a penchant for the underage and to give him

credit, he must really have been trying to turn over a new leaf,

going from 16 to 60.


I run from the bar sobbing. I ring two of my sons who rush

around with their girlfriends to console me and drink the Mumm

and Pinot I had bought in the expectation I would be dancing

with my new date after a candlelit dinner.

I am ashamed of myself that I bought into the nonsense of believing someone could love me without knowing me. I am as

guilty as Percy. Perhaps I just needed to prove to myself that I

am loveable after being dumped like an empty Uber Eats bag.


As an eternal optimist, I just kept hoping someone might fish

this old bag out of the rubbish and be waiting just for me in the

playground when class is out. I don’t doubt the unstinting

support of my children, but there is something a bit tragic about

hanging out in the playground with the juniors when one is a

senior.


Is it too much to ask?


To fly once more before I soar.





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